Those funny jokes

In the public toilet, I suddenly heard someone say, "Friend, do you have toilet paper?" I rummaged through my pockets and replied, "Sorry,no." After a few seconds, the man asked again, "Friend, do you have a small piece of newspaper?" I smiled helplessly and replied, "Sorry, no, I just came to pee." A few seconds later, a 10 yuan RMB was stuffed under the door of the toilet and asked, "Friend, can you break it into 10 pieces?" I silently took out 10 steel jumpers and handed them over.

In a dark night, Lao Wang drove home halfway, only to see a woman taking a taxi, and her voice was extremely sad: take a taxi, take a taxi. Lao Wang let her get on the bus. Neither of them spoke along the way. When the station arrived, the woman spoke: Have an apple! thank you Lao Wang said. Then the woman spoke again: Is it delicious? Delicious. Lao Wang promised. The woman went on to say: I liked this kind of apple best before my death.

When Lao Wang heard this, he was so scared that he peed his pants and ran away. Who knows, the woman went on to say, but I don’t like eating after giving birth.

The Zen master was meditating when he met a thief with a big knife rest around his neck. Mao thief: "Take out all your money" Zen master: "Money is a thing outside your body. If you live or die, don’t take it with you." Mao thief: "This is your lifelong alms." Zen master: "Buddha said that you and I have a cause in previous lives, so we got today’s fruit." Mao thief: "I have a deep sin. Can Zen master cross me?" Zen master: "Yes"










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    You were kicked out after following the goddess into the toilet, probably because she mistakenly thought that you followed her in order to peep or have other improper behaviors. In this case, you can communicate with her first, explain your intentions clearly and express your embarrassment and apologies.

    A classmate can’t eat spicy food, and as a result, he may have diarrhea because the hot pot he ate was too spicy or he ate other inappropriate food. The feeling of buttocks is very uncomfortable, which may be due to problems such as anal discomfort or hemorrhoids caused by diarrhea. When you check out the next day, people around you keep laughing because they may have misunderstood what happened between you and another classmate.

    Awesome! Domestic products beauty cosmetics new strength

    The rise of the national tide has brought fire to many domestic beauty brands, which are not only easy to use and cost-effective, but also novel and unique in product design. Cross-border cooperation with museums, cutting-edge artists and even China Aerospace has conveyed different oriental aesthetics and become a fashion leader in the wave of "the light of domestic products"! Let’s have a plate of these unique Chinese beauty products!


    The packaging design of Tangduo is really a must, and this limited series has a super high value! In cooperation with Sunjiayi, a new generation of artist, inspired by diary, we launched beauty products such as eye shadow tray and lipstick pen.

    Judydoll

    The illustration on the package comes from the "JUDYGIRLS" that Sun Jiayi had in mind. They have varied personalities and styles, and have various hobbies and lifestyles.

    ///

    The color matching of the three eye shadow trays is very practical. One tray contains matte, pearlescent and glitter. Eye shadow powder is delicate and easy to smudge, and it is mainly in low saturation colors, so it is not easy to get dirty on the face, and novices can easily control it.

    ///

    Lipstick pen contains two textures of matte, soft fog and moist water, which strongly pushes 02# peach-stained sweet tea. It is a peach pink with high brightness, showing white color and improving color, which is super suitable for summer. And the price is also conscience, beautiful girls can boldly try the water.

    Polaiya is also an old-fashioned domestic product, and the newly launched ruby essence and double anti-essence in the past two years have a good reputation. Recently, they also jointly signed with China Aerospace to launch "Double Anti-Essence China Aerospace Collection" and "Feather Sun Protection China Aerospace Custom-made".

    PROYA

    The essence of the joint-name double-resistance should be strongly Amway for everyone, which is too beautiful! Transparent acrylic is designed into the outline of rocket shape, which is very scientific and technological.

    The essence is also very easy to use, the texture is light and moist, and the skin feels great. Adding astaxanthin and other antioxidant components, it has antioxidant and anti-sugar effects, and can improve skin color in many dimensions. After use, the skin will become more elastic, tender and delicate.

    Feather sunscreen is also worth trying, the texture is moist and clear, the film forming speed is fast, and the upper face is not greasy or heavy. It also contains many powerful ingredients, including super antioxidant ingredients "Pycnogenol" and "Pycnogenol"astaxanthin",while preventing ultraviolet rays, it can also strongly protect the skin from blue light damage. There are also pure nicotinamide and soothing ingredients to help repel melanin and soothe skin.

    ///

    The new embossed lipstick of A Dream of Red Mansions from Nature Hall is really beautiful! The three lipsticks reproduce three scenes: reading the West Chamber together, seeing Baodai first, and the three wonders of the topic. The carving on the paste is very fine, and it is definitely a masterpiece of heavy industry. I can’t bear to use it when I get it!

    ///

    Lipstick is rich in texture, smooth and easy to apply, and will not dry out. Three customized lipsticks, all in red, are very suitable for Asian skin color, showing white temperament and not stepping on thunder when you close your eyes.

    The newly released Red-crowned Crane Plate of Perfect Diary highlights the color of Ruihe, showing the beauty of China and appealing to the public to protect endangered wild animals. It must be praised manually.
    This eye shadow tray is also inspired by the red-crowned crane and its habitat. It belongs to a low-saturation and practical pink-brown system. With baking powder texture and two-color mosaic mixed powder, it can create a variety of makeup effects.

    With the rise of the national tide, Dunhuang has also become the "online celebrity". Among many joint products, several kazilan are the most out of the circle. The rich Dunhuang elements collide with modern tidal makeup, and the strength is displayed with color tension to interpret the new fashion of Dunhuang makeup.
    Pushing the Linglu embossed high-gloss powder plate strongly, the carving is beautiful and the value is super high. High-CD is soft and glutinous mashed potatoes, with fine pearlescent particles, no pores and no wrinkles, and a natural makeup feeling.

    Inspired by Guangxu’s wedding picture, this series adopts red and gold color scheme, which combines Chinese aesthetics with modern beauty, showing the gorgeous artistic conception with oriental characteristics.

    ///

    I have to say that this series came out in the third season, which is really the peak of refreshing the face value, especially this pearlescent phoenix feather powder cake. The exquisite printing is hard to use, and one plate is multi-purpose. The bottom can be used as a matte powder cake, and the pearlescent decorative layer can be used as a highlight.
    Domestic beauty cosmetics with profound aesthetic connotation have become the focus of world attention by virtue of their strength. They are worth it!
    Image source: brand official

    The 5: 0 World Cup opener tragedy was actually made by China football? !

    The opening is a 5:0, is it a surprise? Is the sting exciting? Russia, the host of the opening match last night, defeated Saudi Arabia, which once again confirmed the saying that "Europe has no weak teams" in the football world.

    It’s time for the four-year World Cup carnival. Xiaobian refers to a calculation. Last night, did you put a classic three-piece supper set for yourself under the guise of watching the ball-beer, kebabs and crayfish?

    However, after enjoying the feast of food and football, have you noticed China football entering this World Cup? Note that this may be a small word game. Bai Yansong, the host of CCTV, has repeatedly emphasized the details: it is "China Football", not the "China Football Team" that has repeatedly disappointed you.

     Match ball: German design and China manufacture.

    In the opening match of this World Cup between Russia and Saudi Arabia last night, the game ball "TV Star" made a perfect appearance in large-scale events. This competition ball is "designed in Germany and made in China" in the standard sense, and it is produced by an enterprise authorized by Adidas in Dongguan, Guangdong, China.

    According to Chong Wang, the general manager of this enterprise, they introduced the first automatic production line in China, so that the original 80-person production line now only needs 10 people, and it can produce 1,000 footballs a day. "We use an automated cutting machine to replace the traditional knife die cutting, an automated printer to replace the traditional screen printing, and a manipulator to replace the traditional handling. There will be a QR code on each ball, and the information on the code will tell us the time and address of the ball production." Chong Wang said.

    However, it is a pity that although "China Football" has entered the World Cup, the intellectual property rights of the core technology of this "TV Star" full of "black technology" are completely in the hands of the designer Adidas. The related patent APPlication documents of Adidas in China revealed by the net show that in the field of chip technology, "TV Star" has built-in NFC near-field interactive chip. You only need to open any app with NFC identification function, and then bring your mobile phone close to this position to read the latest information about this competition ball; In the field of autumn skin materials, "TV Star" uses the thermal bonding technology of the ball skin, which is durable, waterproof and grit-proof. Coupled with the grooves spliced at right angles, the ball will produce nonlinear motion and drift in the flight process. In the field of design, "TV Star" uses classic black and white colors, dark trapezoidal decoration consists of mosaic patterns, and the text uses gold.

    Of course, Xiao Bian wants to say, the most important thing is that all of the above are patent applications submitted by Adidas in China, which has nothing to do with our OEM enterprises in China. It seems that there is still a long way to go for China enterprises to truly realize the change from "Made in China" to "Design in China".

     Derivative goods: Zhejiang enterprises are officially authorized to take orders.

    As a standard "fighting nation", the mascot of 2018 fifa world cup is also a Siberian plain wolf named "Zabivaka" with high fighting value. However, to trace the "birthplace" of this little wolf, we have to go to an obscure office building in Xiaoshan District, Hangzhou, Zhejiang, China.

    Since July 2013, this enterprise named Hangzhou Fude Brand Management Co., Ltd. has become the first enterprise in China to obtain the official authorization of the World Cup mascot directly from FIFA. This year, Fude Company is exclusively responsible for the pricing, production and sales of Russian World Cup mascots on a global scale (except the host country Russia). At the same time, Fude also won the authorization of nearly 100 kinds of related goods around the event, such as plush toys, mugs, key chains, jerseys and so on.

    Of course, compared with the ball used in the competition, it is "familiar" for China enterprises to obtain the production and sales rights of derivative goods related to the World Cup through official authorization. In 2010, the name of the plastic trumpet "Vuvuzela", which was made by Yiwu manufacturers and full of South African ethnic customs, has been resounded all over the world, and it has been continuously sent to South Africa, the venue of the competition, together with national flags, wigs, sunglasses and binoculars. While in 2014 fifa world cup, the derivatives of the new generation refueling artifact "Casilora", the official ball "Samba Glory" and the mascot "Flegu" were mostly produced by authorized manufacturers in China.

    For the value of sports IP, the person in charge of Fude Company is deeply touched. "Compared with the traditional foreign trade that made meager profits before, with the help of the World Cup, the stage of Fude Company is now bigger and wider." The person in charge said. In fact, in this World Cup, there are many China enterprises like Fude Company. They bid farewell to the traditional OEM, not only profited from the World Cup, but also successfully opened a window to the world.

    Brand sponsorship: marketing on and off the field.

    Who is the trump card? If you ask questions before yesterday, Xiaobian, who is only used to wearing sportswear to work, doesn’t know this "Gaodashang" men’s wear brand that can be associated with the World Cup. However, if you pay attention to the live broadcast of last night’s match, you may notice that some staff and spectators’ national flag color matching ties are particularly eye-catching inside and outside the World Cup. This is the 32 ties with World Cup style customized by Dipai (China) Co., Ltd. after getting on the "last bus" and becoming the official regional support partner of 2018 fifa world cup, taking the color matching of flags of 32 countries selected for the final stage of this World Cup as the idea.

    In fact, when it comes to the level of sponsorship, Dipai Company is only a "junior" in China enterprises. At present, FIFA divides sponsors into three levels, namely "global partners", "World Cup sponsors" and "World Cup regional support partners". At present, Wanda Group with "One Hundred Million Small Goals" and seven companies including Coca-Cola, Visa, Adidas and Hyundai Motor are FIFA’s "Global Partner" level sponsors. Sponsors at this level can use the FIFA logo for 8 years, and the sponsorship fee is at least $120,000,000-needless to say, it’s seven zeros, and $120 million-which scares Xiaobian into taking a sip of beer.

    In addition, Mengniu, VIVO and Hisense from China have joined McDonald’s and Budweiser Beer as "World Cup sponsors", while Yadea Group, which produces electric vehicles, is a "World Cup regional support partner" like Dipai Company. According to FIFA, no matter what level of sponsors, they all benefit from the exclusive and highly recognizable official logo of FIFA. Through various marketing methods, these sponsors successfully associate their products, services and brands with the World Cup. Whether targeting specific consumer groups, taking the opportunity to expand their product lines or implementing each specific market strategy, sponsors will get good transcripts.

    This has been reflected in the practice of Hisense Group. According to a person in charge of Hisense Group, the world’s top events are naturally related to the world’s leading consumer electronics brands. If Hisense wants to become a global brand, it must be bound with a cross-cultural and cross-border super brand, which is the world’s top event. Therefore, choosing sports marketing is the strategic path for Hisense’s global brand building. According to statistics, in 2017, Hisense Group’s international marketing achieved sales revenue of 3.9 billion US dollars, a year-on-year increase of 22.3%.

    Seeing this, you must agree with the famous sentence of the Bai Yansong male god: "Let’s just say that China didn’t go to the Russian World Cup except the football team." Of course, as a small editor in fake fans, like everyone else, what we most want to see is that one day the national football team can join our "Made in China" and the China football team will rush into the World Cup with China football and become a frequent visitor on the World Cup stage. (Text: Cui Jingsi Image Source Network)

    One person, one city! Brother Alphabet is guaranteed again. Brother Alphabet won’t leave. He may die a stag.

    In 23 playoff games, averaging 0.6 points and 0.6 rebounds, our hero Sa Narcisse-Adetokunbo has signed another contract with Bucks a few days ago, which is a fully guaranteed contract with a basic salary of one year, which means that Brother Alphabet is about to start his fifth season in NBA career.

    As the second round show in 14 years, Brother Letter didn’t land in the NBA until 19 years, and it was the Bucks team where his brother was located that brought him to the highest stage of basketball. Since then, Brother Letter has never been separated from Brother Letter. So far in his career, Brother Alphabet has only played 8.4 minutes per game in the regular season, almost all of which is garbage time, before going up to play. Looking at the playoffs, it averaged 3 minutes in 23 games. There is no doubt that it has made no contribution to the Bucks’ championship journey, at least on the court.

    It’s no wonder that the letter brother likes to mention the nickname of the related family, and the former Buck reporter GeryWoelfel.

    Why did Jordan and James have different results when they also complained to the referee?

    Why did Jordan and James have different results when they also complained to the referee?

    This question is very interesting. This includes two aspects: spiritual and external performance. First, mentally, Jordan respects basketball, so he is upright and arrogant in his heart when playing. Mr. Murong focuses on profit, and his sense of superiority comes from profit. Even if he gains unjustly, people like Zhai Tianlin are indulged by the referee, and he also intends to use it himself, even at the expense of bowing down to all directions.

    Second, whether the double standard how external performance? Jamie’s logic is: you say James walks, then Jordan can’t walk once, you say James stands, then Jordan can’t stand once. How generous are you to yourself and strict with the law? Therefore, Jamie’s performance focuses on profit, which is the same as Zhan’s spiritual core. Isn’t this interesting?

    Jordan didn’t stand up a few times in his life, and James did it all the time. Jordan spread his hand and scored six three-pointers at half-time in the finals, with his hands spread out, invincible and helpless. And my impression is that Jordan questioned the referee’s penalty, which is just a few words, without pestering or begging humbly, and finally responded with action. If there had been any weak behavior at that time, it would have become a big news. You know, in the last three companies, Jordan has become the public enemy of the league, and young elites want to ignore Jordan’s position.

    Jordan is good at physical confrontation, and he doesn’t have any bad moves, especially diving and padding. Then the referee will respond naturally when he stands up, and most of his hands are self-satisfied, so I can’t help it. James has been diving, padding and walking for 20 years, which can be said to be the worst type in the top 10 in history. It is naturally another result that he is so weak! Be strict with others, be lenient with yourself, and naturally be laughed at.

    Jordan didn’t play basketball at his peak, he didn’t take his talent anywhere at his peak, and he didn’t take the initiative to hug his thighs at his peak. The only thing he did was that he was bored at his peak and retired to play baseball, and then the NBA cried and begged him to come back. So don’t make excuses, why do different players have different understandings of the same thing, blame the referee? Strange fans? It depends on a player’s long-standing impression, so don’t push your problems out.

    And it doesn’t matter how many points you score, it mainly depends on how much role you play on the team. Like last season’s regular season, you hold a lot of ball rights and don’t retreat. Such scores are meaningless. And LeBron’s defensive ability is not a problem at all. His size and strength determine that he will be an excellent defender if he wants to defend. The problem is that his defensive attitude is really not good, especially when he is old.

    Marca: kimmich is happy to join Barcelona, but the transfer will be very complicated.

    According to Marca, kimmich is willing to join Barcelona, and the Rossoneri appreciate the German midfielder very much, but the deal will be very complicated.

    After busquets announced that he would leave the team this summer, Barcelona urgently needed to find a No.6 player. Zubimendi, Amrabat and Ruben neves were all players who had an affair with Barcelona, and kimmich became the latest one. For Barcelona, kimmich is an expensive player. No matter in Bayern or the German national team, kimmich is an out-and-out main force. In addition, his contract with Bayern expires in two years. Under such circumstances, it is very difficult for Barcelona to get kimmich, and Bayern will not be willing to let him go. Moreover, even if the Bundesliga giants are willing to release him, his worth will not be less than 60 million euros.

    Barcelona cannot pay such a high transfer fee. Even if kimmich’s transfer fee is amortized during the contract period, the annual cost will far exceed 20 million euros. In addition, Arsenal and Liverpool are also interested in kimmich, which is another obstacle for Barcelona.

    (Erguai)

    I started as James, who played as a center: I was almost eliminated by Chelsea Youth Academy that year.

    Chelsea defender Reese James said in an interview that he was almost eliminated by Chelsea youth training in the past and revealed that he started as a striker.

    James said: "I signed for Chelsea when I was about eight or nine years old. I stood out among my peers. We have Du Qiong Sterling, martel Croasdale, Ryan Brewster, Jamie Cumming, Mark Gay and Connor Gallagher, and several of us have succeeded."

    "All of us dream of playing for Chelsea, but when we were growing up, people knew it was difficult to get into the first team because not many people could do it in recent years. We knew what we wanted, but it was difficult to achieve at that time. "

    "But when Lampard was the head coach, he really helped the youth training and the first team to cooperate better. Even now that he has left, the youth training and the first team still maintain his legacy, as evidenced by the addition of some young players last season. They got the opportunity and completed their first show, which is both recognition for the players and affirmation for the staff. "

    "When I was growing up, I was a striker. I admired Drogba and I always admired him. I just want to score goals and celebrate like him. I stopped playing as a striker at the age of eleven or twelve and started to develop in the midfield. I stayed there for three or four years, and then I found myself suitable to play as a right-back at the age of fifteen. I hated this position at first. Until one day, I suddenly felt adapted to this position and began to really enjoy it, about seventeen years old. But it really takes me a long time to get used to this position. When I don’t want to play this position, this position often makes me feel depressed.

    "But right-back is the position where I play the most now, and it is also my favorite position. I have hardly played in other positions. I have been there since I joined Chelsea, but when I was fifteen or sixteen, I was almost eliminated. I am probably one of the worst players in that age group, and they are not sure how I will develop. When they offered me a new contract, they took great risks. I must try my best to prove that I can play football and achieve my goals. "

    Malouda: "I hope Chelsea sign Mbappé"

    Malouda: "I hope Chelsea sign Mbappé"

    Former Chelsea striker Florent Malouda says he would like to see Paris Saint-Germain striker Kylian Mbappé move to London.

    "I hope Chelsea sign Mbappé, and I think the club should choose the best player like him. Especially when I see how much money Chelsea has spent on others. It all depends on his desire to come to the club, but we must choose such a top player and build a team around him. My dream is to build a team with young players around Mbappé. He has won many trophies and is eager for more, so Chelsea should look for such players. Will Mbappé agree to move to Chelsea? Anything is possible! "It’s not just about preparing an offer with a lot of money," Goal quoted Malouda as saying.

    Mbappé has been playing for Paris Saint-Germain since 2018. The 24-year-old Frenchman’s contract will last until the summer of 2025.

    This season, Mbappé made 30 appearances in various competitions on behalf of the club, scored 7 goals and sent 31 assists.